Individual therapy (London and online), and online therapeutic groups.

I am a gestalt therapist, and over the years I have negotiated a longstanding need to be a slave/submissive. This has presented me with a number of challenges, for example how to embrace my sexual urges and have a career. The therapy I have had has helped me to reconcile my different needs, and come to feel more at ease with my sexual interests.

Many people who are kinky need therapy to negotiate the challenges life throws at us in the same way as non-kinky people. Your kink/BDSM interests may not be the main reason you come to therapy, but if you do not feel comfortable sharing these parts of yourself with a therapist, this can limit the benefits you get out of therapy. Sometimes our sexual inclinations express early relational patterns that you might want to look at, and sometimes they encode trauma. The taboos around sex can make it harder in conventional therapy settings for some people to engage with their trauma.

As a therapist who has probably had fantasies, or enacted scenes as extreme, weird, dangerous, or dirty as yours, I am unlikely to be phased by the sexual parts of you.

Feeling shame around fetish/kink - particularly at the submissive end - is normal, and in some ways healthy; shame is there for a reason and can be worked through. It comes from experiences of having been left ‘with the shame’ in early relationships, and thus we feel wrong. Shame is lessened by experiencing it with somebody, and knowing they won’t leave us this time. It’s why the bond in kink/fetish settings where we can share our shame without fear of rejection can be so healing.

My own trauma happened at a young age, and this supports me to work with the impact of child sexual abuse, and/or early developmental trauma.

I work with a wide diversity of people and sexual expressions. My life experience has led to an interest in marginal experience, in power/oppression, in trauma/addiction, and in sex and gender. I define as a cis man, however the way I inhabit my body sexually can feel more feminine. Whilst I may not share your experience(s), my history opens me to the importance of sharing and hearing marginal narratives towards reclaiming whole(r) senses of self. 

I welcome people from all countries for online therapy. I am based in the UK. Please look at the rest of my website for more about the way I work and my attitude to therapy, and please feel free to contact me if it resonates. 

Starting from February 2025 there are likely to be a few places available in a therapeutic group for men into kink/BDSM that runs between 3pm-5pm (UK time) every second Saturday.

You can see more about my experience of working through my process around my sexuality in my article “Pushing into the Silence: A Personal Exploration of Master/slave sexualities and Gestalt” on p 32 - 45 of New Gestalt Voices Journal Edition 1.

There is a further article about my work with kinky clients and what I have learned about the role of kink to facilitate exploration of existential dilemmas, that you can access from the Links and Resources page on this website.

There are a number of other places you can find kink affirmative therapy. The Pink Therapy Directory is a UK based therapy directory that allows you to use a BDSM search filter.